Most Wanted Christmas Criminal

Esteemed Readers,

Merry Christmas & Happy Winter Solstice! As this year many of you discuss Santa Claus’s origin in your festive posts, – that’s great that we remind each other of the Christian spirit of these magic days, – I will write about oddities of his modern nature.

Quite long ago Santa Claus was called Saint Nicolas, he visited children from poor families in disguise and gave them food, toys, etc. He walked or rode a horse no matter weather conditions and his place of residence was rather uncertain. Besides the kind Spirit of Christmas appeared and disappeared silently and his outfit might be green or of other colours.

The present Santa Claus is a very powerful character. He rules a great empire and hides from nowhere. In fact, if he wished he could become a president of any country in the world. He is so popular that he would beat any opponent. Santa Claus has a wife and an army of deers. He makes friends with tourists and welcomes them at his residence somewhere in Lapland. He is a very easy-going person, who has a kind heart and patience to read children’s letter and to fulfil their wishes. He can be easily connected via email, social medias, etc. There is no more mystery about the North Pole or Greenland. Santa Claus seems to be rather an ordinary man, a pensioner, I would say, who enjoys his retirement.

But there are plenty of troubling questions:

1. If Santa is  a pensioner, he doesn’t work and doesn’t pay any taxes. In this case what did he do when he was younger and what was his work background? If Santa is a working pensioner, he is supposed to be hired. Who is his director in this case and what about taxes? Another question is if he pays medical insurance and other fees, including those for deers?
2. Does the property in Lapland belong to him or to the government? Does he have a sleigh license?
3. It’s well-known that Santa Claus is able to give any gift to any child. Where does he get them from? Who pays for them and on what conditions?
4. As a rule Santa Claus penetrates into houses as a professional burglar: either via a chimney flue or via the door or a window and nobody can catch him. Santa always escapes before being noticed. Why? Is it a crime to give somebody a present ?
5. Why does he do it only at night?
6. He leaves the demanded gifts under Christmas trees, in socks or wherever he has time to put them. What does he do with other gifts he finds?
7. In fact, if there is the only real Santa Claus, who are the others, wearing his costume and bringing gifts? Are they his assistants or competitors?
8. Is the fuel he uses for his sleigh ecologically friendly?
9. In what way does he teach his deers to learn and to remember all the addresses and directions?
10. And the last, most important question: why does he visit children and never adults? Many ladies would be happy to spare some time with him.

According to the statistics a number of crimes is increased considerably during Christmas period. Be careful, Esteemed Readers! Reliable sources tell that Santa Claus might be a dangerous naughty criminal, whose goals and targets are still uncertain! Ho-ho-ho!

Maria KethuProfumo